Day 5? Already? Starring out the window of my original destination from Day 1, looking at the land rising towards the sky, I knew what I’ve always known; I did not want to return to the Eastern Shore. No surprises there. The trip has been a mission of sorts, to figure some things out, what to do, where to go from there, what was I able to do health-wise, does it really matter to anybody where I am, etc. Not random thoughts of displeasure but deep soul-searching of doing what’s right for me and for those I love.
Regardless, that didn’t stop the feeling of sadness as I crossed the Continental Divide, heading towards the Eastern Shore. I had made some incredible new memories, been a few places I had not been before, resurrected the past and put it where it needed to be; yet I could not seem to stop the feeling of sadness and loss of peace that was quickly creeping up as I slid down the other side of the great Divide. I lose a chunk of my heart every time that happens but my spirit and soul is always and forever embedded deeply on the other side of the Divide.
So I buried the feelings and enjoyed the road trip; well, until the Piedmont, and the awful traffic, and the crazy drivers. Then, of all things, I stop for gas and who should I see but an old flame. A good man, a good person, but not our time. I had just lost my dad. Not a good time. Still, it was good to see him because he made me realize that yep, there were good things and people at the Eastern Shore. I have to say that was strange, so far from home, and seeing someone from home. Interesting, but weird.
Finally off the interstate and gee whiz, 63 mph is so slow after traveling 75 mph for hours and hours. It’s going to take forever to get home! Not really, it just seems that way when you have to slow down but ‘they’ really do want to nail your butt and I don’t have much butt to nail!
I stopped at a roadside stand and picked up a fresh melon for the nightly snack. Actually, truth be known, I was putting off the inevitable and I knew it. But it kept looming closer and closer until finally, it was here…..the Eastern Shore.
Suddenly, I was excited. Why? I was going to see my doggie! Hershey, the WonderDog! When I opened the door to Gypsy, that fella was all over himself, shaking his all over body shake so hard that I couldn’t even pick him up. He was so excited to see me that he finally jumped right out the door, ran around the yard, jumped back in Gypsy and finally let me pick him up, for which he planted a big, slobbery kiss right in my smoocher! Ha! That I did not see coming!
Then there’s Baby Girl, that sweet little Angel sent straight from heaven. Well, on some days. Full of energy, full of life and it’s full-steam ahead. She always shares her big laugh with me and thinks Nanny here is her own personal play toy. I guess I am until I say no. Oh my goodness! Her world has come to and end. Ha!
Lots of feelings and emotions, lots of realities. Needed the experience to get away from the hustle and bustle of trauma and drama. Life was so peaceful for a few days. Returned to the hustle and bustle of trauma and drama. But you know what? I can handle that. Why? Because I found out how dependable my truck really is, how many miles I really can travel in a day, what I need to make sure I’m taken care of if a medical emergency should arise but, most importantly, knowing how I feel about leaving my family. In other words, I can pack up and leave again tomorrow without a single regret.
That was my mission for this trip………to find out if I could “without a single regret.” I don’t think I’ll live a long and healthy life so ‘without a single regret’ means I can and I will.