I did not know that ‘redneck’ was considered a derogatory term until I looked up it’s meaning. Uneducated could not be farther from the truth. Being a “GRITS’ chick myself (Girl Raised in the South), a redneck one at that (forget the part that I’m past the half century mark), I consider redneck a high standard of achievement and certainly not for the faint at heart. Not everyone can be a redneck either; it takes a lot of guts and courage to be a true redneck! (BIG laugh)! Besides, it a lot of fun and that’s what counts.
Saturday dawned a beautiful day. There was too much to do before there could be any fun. They call that self-discipline, which I don’t seem to have too much of, but I did that day. So I took off the trash, came home and did the chores, all of them (well, almost all of them), then took my usual cold shower before going to the laundromat. No redneck here. I was the pristine and proper Southern Belle and dressed for it, just because I could. Besides, I was sick of shorts and t-shirts and being in Gypsy because of pounding ear infections and by golly, I wanted to be a lady and go visit with my best friend! Well, as the saying goes, Bless My Heart!
So, I went to the laundromat, threw the clothes and stuff in the washers, fed them their meal of quarters and left to go visit my best friend, who lived a mile down the road. Well that was the plan but when I got there, she wasn’t home. Fiddle. I called her and she had taken it upon herself to go galavanting around with brother-in-law to parts unknown. How dare she and not let me know! Shucks, I hate sitting at the laundromat but at least I had brought a good book, “The Snowflake Effect”. While I’m sitting in the truck yakking with her, her hubby appears at my truck window and scares the poop out of me! Geez! He’s pulled up behind me and I had not heard him. We’re shooting the rifles, want to go? You got it, I sure do! Haven’t target practiced since before my dad died so yea, I sure did want to go. I followed hubby down to where they’re shooting and then run back to the laundromat to get my laundry. “Bring it here”, they said. No problem! In their dryer it goes. Out of the house I go. (How I end up with a pair of underwear that belongs to neither of us, I do not know. I shudder at that thought.)Back to the range in the woods I go.
Only to pick up hubby to head back to the house to get his Son’s truck, the big four-wheel drive, to “unstick” somebody that was stuck. Apparently, someone got stuck, Son took dad’s truck to pull that person out and he had stuck dad’s truck. Now we were on the way with Son’s truck to “unstick” everybody that was stuck.
Well, we showed up at the giant mud hole and what a sight to behold, all those stuck trucks. Yes, it was hilarious and yes, there was lots of laughter. How could there not be? This was redneck heaven! Son gets in his truck (remember, I am said passenger in his truck, dressed as a Southern Belle, in the middle of the woods with a gigantic mud hole around. Nowhere else for me to go other than sit tight and hang on because it was going to be a bumpy, muddy ride! Oh YES, thought the redneck GRITS ‘girl’ in me. Southern Belle or not, this was going to be fun!
Hang on tight, I’m going to snatch. Yea, I’ve heard those words plenty of times before over the years. And he snatched, and snatched, and snatched, until his truck was stuck slam up to the rims and the mud was directly under the footstep of the door. Way to go, young man! By that time, I had lost it completely. I had NO place to go! My whole world was one giant mud hole and I couldn’t quit laughing! Well, let’s see how they figure on working this one out.
Hubby ends up riding the four-wheeler to the nearest farm and grabbing a John Deere tractor. Actually, in my not so humble opinion, it was nothing more than an oversized lawnmower but hey, this might work. Obviously, I didn’t have much confidence in that particular John Deere and was thinking we need to go to my family’s farm and get the John Deere 4840. Now that one would pull all three vehicles out in one shot. But alas, that was not to be. Somehow or another, that oversized lawnmower pulled Son’s truck out. Woo Hoo!
Since it was so late in the day, we left the tractor and stuck trucks to go get all the shooting equipment we had left at the range in the woods and take it home, or so we thought that’s what we were doing. Weren’t long before a call came in. The oversized lawnmower had pulled everyone out but the original stuck truck was stuck again, in the same big hole that Son had been stuck in and said tractor would not pull it out. Oh my, it kept getting funnier and funnier. Definitely not the afternoon planned and it was getting dark outside now, but laughter was great.
So, here we go again, Son and I, to get double-stuck truck out of said monster mud hole. Oh, she was stuck and I mean good. Had to use a hoe to clear the mud away from the hitch just to get the rope on it. Another round of laughter. That seemed to take forever as we were all overtaken by mud. Funnier and funnier. Mind you, I’m still a Southern Belle passenger in a world of mud. Could NOT get any better than this except my rubber boots would have been really handy right then instead of my dressed to impress sandals. Good grief, I should have come dressed as a normal redneck GRITS!
Hang on tight, I’m going to be snatching hard and a lot. Yep, told you I had heard those words before. And he did, and did, and did, and did, and I wondered if we needed to go get the John Deere 4840 after all, and he still did, and did, and did, and I was soon overtaken by laughter as everything in the front went into the back and everything in the back was trying it’s best to come up front, and still he did and still I laughed until finally, the truck was free! Free! Free at last!
Out of the mud, on dry road, darkness falling quickly, I eased myself out of the big truck and laughed at the afternoon. Three stuck trucks, one stuck twice, an oversized John Deere lawnmower, a redneck Southern Belle in the midst of a redneck happy reunion, plenty of thank you’s and a lot of laughter; I call that a great afternoon!
Gotta love a redneck!
Afterthought – my dressed to impressed sandals ended up spending the night soaking in Clorox water to remove all the mud stains. Ha!