Why does everything have to turn into a shouting match?
Whatever happened to polite, adult conversation to settle a problem, one problem at a time?
In this world full of technology, Facebook and text messaging, there is no conversation other than short, brief, to the point phrases. Without any concept of proper English or correct grammar. Add to that all the curse words and urban language, it has now become a prevalent source of communication and, more importantly, the biggest source of miscommunication.
Growing up with an alcoholic/drug addict family member, her world had been full of shouting matches. Lots of anger, tears, wanting and wishing he would see the light of what he was doing, trying to help but getting nowhere that lasted for any length of time. After a time, it became bullying, then threats of harm. Conversations over the years could not happen and there were times she could not walk away for the very reason of literally having to ‘watching her back.’ Back then, there wasn’t the technology available like today so it was a conversation, face to face, which led to heated discussions, name-calling, bullying, so forth and so on. How in the world to you get through all the mess to get to the problem to discuss it rationally?
She’s open to any ideas here because there’s another situation basically the same without the drug/alcohol involvement. Although an olive branch had been stuck out for her the past couple of weeks, she had learned in her lifetime that it’s better not to expect anything because if those expectations were not met, there would be disappointment. Well, it was easier that way until she decided a while back that life was not meant to be lived that way. Walking on eggshells was a constant problem for her but it was better than having no expectations.
You see, she expected things in her life; some empathy, thankfulness, gratitude, respect for the position of hierarchy in the family, manners to include “mam” and no perverse use of curse words, just to name a few. Most important however, was communication without resorting to Facebook and text messages. Face to face conversation, civil conversation, to brainstorm, work it out, everyone see their part in the big picture and how and what needed or could be changed from all to achieve the goal.
She, however, did not receive any of that. Instead, to stay afloat while living with this the past 20 months, she resorted to their own behaviors in order to get to them. That did not work; it only caused more anger and discrepancy within the relationships. The thing was she thought she had rose above all of that only to find out it was right under the surface, just waiting to explode. Yes, was she angry and upset; not with them but with herself. So much for bettering herself and making it in this little world of her own making.
They also say things happen for a reason and she thinks they did. She’ll soon be living in another place, away from them so maybe all involved, including herself, can work it all out in their minds just how important family really is. Being a family of one is mighty lonely when the rest of the family of four live right next door.
Although she’s not lonely most times, she finds herself mighty lonely on the weekends when they are home. “But you live in the yard” doesn’t always cut it when she is wanting someone to take the time to visit with her, or yell hey through the door when walking through the yard. Again, back to those expectations which she expects not to expect because they seldom happen.
“Nobody thinks about you,” and “Nobody cares about you,” really showed her where she stood in the grand scheme for the family of one.
Hence the olive branch from the blown-up, shouting match from yesterday.
And still, she does not know what she has done wrong this time either.
Like the saying goes….. “Life goes on.”