Monday – November 23, 2015

Had a wonderful time Saturday with daughter in law at the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. Her first concert and my first live TSO experience. Beyond awesome. It was a good day for both of us, thank you, God.

On Sunday, kiddo called me to come down because he was cooking Thanksgiving supper. He did such a great job and everything tasted so good.

Baby Girl is such a sweet and headstrong little girl that I love so much. Miss Priss is a tall, slender young lady who means the world to me. Auntie K is growing and has had all her long hair cut off; Daddy K is more slender than the last time I saw him. Uncle C was enjoying his last evening at home before the return trip back to base. It was truly a great evening with the family.

Looking forward to the road trip to Texas and Fort Hood. I look forward to the trip because it hurts to be around here, or ‘home.’ I miss dad, I miss my stuff, I miss stability. I miss privacy. Even though I’m generally happy even when health sucks, my soul doesn’t know where it belongs – live in the moment – one day at a time. Just what does that really mean?

I’m 52 and sometimes lonely. I feel it as I get older. I think I would like to be with someone sometimes but I’m not the ‘in control, take charge’ person like the previous me. Instead, I feel like some little kid that waits until somebody stronger tells me what to do. Nobody could, would or should handle that. I have a hard enough time with it all by myself.

I love my family so much but I’m scared I’m going to screw up with them again. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I couldn’t go through that again. The most important thing in my life is not me –it’s my family. Without them, there is not a lot of hope. God, please keep us together and civil and a loving, caring family or let me leave.

One day at a time….

 

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